Family
by Latin Girl Writter
Summary: A bunch of one-shots featuring the Wayne family-Bruce, Selina, Dick, Jason and Tim, and of course, Alfred. Written mainly from Bruce's POV. Rated T just becuase!
1. Chapter 1

New story! New story! Well, actually this is a bunch of one-shots! So, enjoy and review!

Disclaimer: Don't own Batman! Or any other thing, just the plot!

Warning: CP mentioned or involved!

Family

Why?

Plane flights. It was something as simple as plane flights. For someone as rich as Bruce Wayne it had been something as simple as riding a car.

But now, his head was about to explode. It was not because of the air pressure, not because of work excess. It had nothing to do about the annoying whining coming from his two oldest sons or even their bickering. It had nothing to do, either, with the stupid but very appealing grin his wife had. So why was it? Because of that. The word. And not just any word, but THE word. Which word was it? The one that his youngest son had liked to use for the last month. Why.

He looked down at the two blue orbs regarding him, expecting an answer. Which was the question? A very simple one, with a very complicated answer for a two year old.

It was incredible how his life had changed in a couple of years. In a period of four years he went from playboy billionaire to family man billionaire. It had all started when his late friend, Rachel Dawes, had told him he "can not take life seriously. You think taking care of a company is a responsibility, yet you live the life of a spoiled man, who is not even responsible for where his own life is going."

That had hurt. He was deeply in love with her, but she had chosen another man. After her death, he had met the Graysons and their three, almost four, year old son. They died shortly leaving little Richard, or Dick, an orphan.

For the time Dick turned four he was under Bruce Wayne's tutelage. A year later he officially adopted Dick, changing his name to Richard John Grayson Wayne. Long name…long story.

Alfred had been a great help, especially during his 'crusades'. It was during those crusades he started to fall for his now wife. But, it was also during one of those crusades he had found his middle son. Jason Peter Todd, now Jason Peter Wayne.

At almost five years old, the boy had been orphaned. He had nowhere to go and so, Bruce Wayne came 'to the rescue', as many news paper had stated. Though he claimed he had enough with Dick, who was a handful by himself, he took Jason in, a decision he would never regret.

Dick and Jason were almost the same age, only 9 months of difference, and they soon got attached to each other.

Months later his childhood friend, Jack Drake was murdered leaving a three month old baby orphaned. The baby's mother had died giving birth. So, yet again, he found himself adopting another boy, Timothy Jackson Drake Wayne.

Two years later, said boy was the cause of Bruce's headache.

"Daddy, why ky bue?" the little boy asked again, patting Bruce's leg with his little hand.

He looked up at his wife, former known as Selina Kyle, who only smiled and placed her hand on her swollen belly…fashion 'Mother's' magazine forgotten.

"Because…the sun makes it look like that." He answered as simply as he could.

"Oh." Was all the boy said, settling back in his seat looking out of the window.

He hoped that was the last question, he couldn't take any more 'whys'. He still wondered how it had gone from to where they were going, why they were going on vacation, to why they were flying there and not driving, to why they had to seat down. Then Bruce had the not so bright idea of telling the boy to look out the window. Bad move, questions became more complicated when the boy saw the blue ocean and asked what it was and why it was there. Why is the ocean there? Who knows, who cares, it just is. Then he asked about why where the clouds white, why was the sun a sun, and why they were there to the final, why is the sky blue.

Selina smiled and went back to her magazine, absentmindedly stroking her slightly swollen belly. He looked around, seeing Alfred had settled both older boys down and where now entertained with a movie.

Smiling to himself, he looked down at his forgotten work and settled down to finish it. Not ten minutes later, Tim's small hand found way to Bruce's forearm and yet another question was made.

"Daddy?" Tim's baby voice came in a soft whisper, retaking Selina's attention. Why was it he couldn't ask his mother? It just HAD to be him all the time.

"Mmm?" Bruce asked slightly massaging his temple before looking down at the little boy.

"What you doing?" he asked finding a way to climb into his lap.

Bruce looked down at his laptop, who was now on the table in front of him and some of the documents which were still in his hands. "Working." He stated simply. _Was working. _He thought grumpy.

"Oh." The boy said, settling down more comfortably on Bruce's lap. Seeing as the toddler wasn't about to move, he kept on doing his work, just to feel a pull from his shirt. He looked down to meet those blue eyes again.

"Why Daddy wouk?"

Well, he was 'wouking', but apparently his youngest had other ideas.

"Because I have to." He stated simply.

"Why?" At this he glared at Selina, who was trying, unsuccessfully to hide a grin.

"Because that's what daddies do."

"Oh." Silence, and then, "Why?"

"Because everyone has to work."

Tim seemed to think hard about the answer given. He oppened his mouth, and "Me no wouk." Well, at least it wasn't a ques- "Why?" Oh, crap.

"Because you are a little boy. Little boys play."

"But Di' and Ja'on play. They awe big boys."

When Tim started talking everyone had been excited, even Bruce. He and Selina had about a month of marriage and Tim said his first word. "Dada". To say Bruce was proud was an understatement. But now, he would like to go back on time, a year ago, when Tim's only requests were to be changed or to be feed, and those had been with wails.

"They have their school work. You will go to school when you are older too." Bruce stated simply, ignoring Selina's smirk.

"Afe' wouk?" he asked next.

"Yes, Alfred works too." Bruce said simply, trying to concentrate on what he was reading while answering his son.

"Mommy no wouk." The toddler stated simply pointing at the woman in front of them. Bruce looked up and noticed Selina's slightly blush. Now it was his time to grin.

"No, she doesn't."

"I stay at home, Timmy, and take care of you and your brothers." Selina explained glaring at Bruce.

"Why?" And though Selina had answered the previous question, Tim decided to direct his question to Bruce…again.

"Because…she loves you." Bruce answered, though the real answer was because of her pregnancy. She stopped directing her organization a month ago, when she entered her fifth month. Though he wasn't going to say that to the boy, that would lead to endless whys.

"Why?" and yet, even with the most simple of answers, he had another question.

"Because that is what mommies do." Bruce stated glaring daggers at his smirking wife who looked down at her magazine again.

The toddler went quiet again, thinking about the answer. Bruce was about to go back to his forgotten work, again, when the boy spoke again, though thankfully it wasn't a question.

"Mommy panks too!" Tim accused pouting a bit. Bruce had to hold his chuckle in place as he watched Selina blush even more and hide behind her magazine.

She had always been against Bruce punishing the boys in such fashion, though from time to time she herself gave one or two swats when the boys were "simply stubborn and naughty." Of course, this was only when Bruce was not around.

"Hmm…apparently she does." Bruce said regaining his voice, though it was evident he wanted to laugh.

And then, it was over. The boy started yawning and leaning even more against his father. Bruce simply started stroking his tummy, trying to lull him to sleep while reading the documents. Dick and Jason had fallen asleep, so Alfred got up and turned the TV off, rapping them both with a blanket.

The only noises in the plane where of pages turning around, the heavy breathes of two sleeping boys, and Alfred's soft humming.

And when the boy was about to fall asleep, "Daddy, why plane fly?"


	2. A Father's Worst Nightmare

Ok! Hi! Here it goes, another fluffy, hope funny, experience of our beloved Bruce. Thanks for all the amazing reviews!

Hope you had a merry Christmas, I know I did, and a very HAPPY New Year! May God bless you all!

Disclaimer: Not mine! DC didn't gave me the rights for Christmas....and neither did Santa....pouts....Just the plot is mine! Muahahaha!

Enjoy!

A Father's Worst Nightmare

He could do it. It wasn't so difficult. He could do it. He was Bruce Wayne, after all. There was nothing impossible for him. He could do it.

He was the Batman, the invincible Dark Night. He caused others to fear, he caused awe in boys and girls of all ages, women of all ages fell to his feet. He could do it.

He had done other things before. He had been in the creepiest looking places. He had defeated murders, assassins, and crazy people. He had taken them all down. He could do it.

He took one part of the white offending cloth with the tips of his right hand, and then did the same with his left hand fingers. And if he could do it, why the heck did he felt like running away? At least run to the closest toilet to deposit his lunch.

Three months. He had avoided this three months, but Alfred had put a stop to all this. It was just his luck that both Dick and Jason had gotten sick for over doing it with chocolate cake. It was just his luck Alfred had had to take care of the two little boys. And it was just his luck Tim had to do this to him…a dirty diaper.

He was afraid of bats. Granted. He had nightmares from time to time of when his parents died. Granted. But, he refused; he totally and absolutely refused to be afraid of diapers. That was just too much. Besides, being called the Batman sounded better than the Diaperman…and he didn't even want to imagine how the costume of a person like that would be…

He had refused; he had totally refused to change the diaper. Alfred had asked him to, and in a very polite way, also.

Of course, Bruce answered in a very polite way too. "No way!"

And Alfred had countered in a very diplomatic way. "Bruce Wayne!" That was a tone not to mess with…a tone Bruce had avoided for the last ten years, "You'll change your son's diaper this instant! You have avoided this too long and I won't be here all the time! Now, young man, go!"

Bruce had once heard a saying which went something like, 'Better say, 'here he ran' than 'here he died'. So, that's what he did. He took 6 month old Tim and walked as fast as he could, though he was sure it looked like running, to the nursery room.

"I can't do it." Bruce said finally.

He knew how to. Alfred had explained it to him thousands of times. Besides, that had to be the more organized nursery room in all of Gotham city. Meaning, all the necessary supplies were very close by.

Taking a deep breath Bruce opened the offending garment. "Holly Shit! Timothy! What have you been eating?"

Two steps back. Bruce had given two steps back. He received his answer. A giggle. The baby was giggling. "Don't laugh at me, young man." Bruce admonished, frowning. His response was a raspberry and then the baby rose his two little feet and grabbed them with his hands, making the diaper fall in the table so all its contents where visible for Bruce. Tim's small bottom was high in the air, showing all his glory.

"Seriously, Tim. How can a thing as cute as you can do something as gross as that? Its…its disgusting!" Bruce said trying to get the courage to get close to the baby.

"Ah! Gagaga!" Well, some answer he got!

"You would make the Joker proud, you know, kiddo." Bruce said grabbing a clean cloth and tying it around his face to making a 'home made gas mask'.

"GAGA!" Maybe that was not the right thing to say to the baby boy, he sounded mad.

"Gaga to you!" Bruce said getting a bit close to the boy, "Gosh, this stinks!"

"Gaga wawaboooo!" the little boy babbled happily, giggling a bit.

"Boo? You mean boom?" Bruce asked smiling, "Yep, you could certainly do a bomb with this, little man."

Now that he was actually in front of the baby, he tried to remember the steps Alfred had taught him.

"First step, take the diaper away." Bruce recited mocking Alfred's accent and grabbing the child's feet to lift him a bit. "Better said than done."

Sighing and holding to all the courage Bruce could find within himself, he grabbed Tim's feet with his right hand and pulled the diaper with his left hand.

Now that the diaper was out of his way he needed to wipe the babies, so he reached out for the blue plastic box. He would have never imagined opening a box of wipes with one hand would be so hard, and Tim started to whimper, obviously he didn't like to be held in that position.

"At last!" Bruce said after getting the box open, just to feel despair when he found out the box was empty. "Could things get worst?" Bruce muttered looking down at the boy who kept whimpering and trying to turn on his stomach.

He looked around trying to find a new box without letting go of the boy's little legs. He opened the new box and took out the wet, cool cloth and started to clean the boy.

"There!" Bruce said happily once he had finished. "Ha, it wasn't so hard." He said smiling and taking the 'mask' off.

He was about to say something when he saw a yellow liquid flying directly towards his open mouth, he quickly closed his mouth and eyes though he wasn't fast enough, he spat the sour liquid that had invaded his mouth and wrinkling his face. He felt his face and shirt get wet and heard Tim's giggling.

"Great." Bruce muttered, "This is simply disgusting." The last thing he wanted was to be bathed by baby's pee. The little boy just kept giggling and throwing raspberries.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Bruce asked the baby as he grabbed another wipy to clean his face.

He then took of his shirt and threw it in the floor and groaned. He now knew why Alfred told him to put a diaper over the boy immediately after cleaning him. He had forgotten about that, but he never expected the boy to pee on his face.

Once he was done cleaning his face, he cleaned the baby again. He quickly grabbed a diaper and placed it in front of the boy's small genitals. He wouldn't be bathed by urine twice.

He then searched for the baby powder. "Ok, now." He said while he tried to turn the cap a bit. What was it with this stuff? Was it anti-Bruce? After a minute of struggle with the bottle he opened it but not without receiving a cloud of white powder flow everywhere. "This is not my day." Bruce grumbled as the baby giggled some more and sneezed.

Taking the diaper away from the boy he, literally, showered him with the white powder.

He then took the diaper and opened it as best as he could. He, once again, lifted the baby from his feet and quickly slipped the diaper under the boy's bottom. "Ok. Now, we're almost over." Bruce said smiling. Tim just blinked and looked up at him, stuffing his fist inside his mouth.

He looked down at the diaper and searched for the sticky flaps. Once he found them, though he was sure those where supposed to be on the back part of the diaper, he tried to unstuck them. He did the first, just to get it stuck on his finger. He pulled his hand away, just to move the diaper along.

"Oh, crap!" Bruce was not wining, Bruce Wayne NEVER wined, though he was pretty sure that had sounded like wining.

He unstuck the thing from his finger and quickly yet carefully unstuck the other little flap and then placed them on the back part of the diaper.

"There! Done!" Bruce said proudly.

"Good job, Master Wayne." He heard a voice say from the door. "And it only took you….45 minutes."

"Ha ha. Very funny, Alfred." Bruce said turning to glare at him.

"Yes, quite amusing." Alfred said, while Bruce turned to pick the now sitting Tim. Bruce stopped and looked at the baby, something seemed…slightly odd. "Something wrong?" he heard Alfred asked, and quickly dismissed it. He had the feeling Alfred wanted to laugh.

"No." He said taking the child in his arms and walking towards where Alfred was. "Here." He said placing the boy on the butler's arms and making a beeline towards the bathroom.

Alfred watched in amusement as his oldest charged walked straight to the bathroom. He had been observing Bruce for the last 15 minutes and have had to hold his laughter.

"Yes, nothing wrong indeed." He said merrily just to listen a bang from the bathroom's door.

Judging by the wet shirt in the floor, and Bruce's white face, he had had a couple of small struggles. He then looked down at the boy in his arms who was watching towards where his father had disappeared.

The boy's diaper was placed in backwards, his little legs where white because of powder excess and he was sure Bruce had forgotten to put some diaper rash cream on the boy. "C'mon, young Master Tim." Alfred said placing the boy at arm's length just to see the diaper fall to the floor. "Let's fix this little mishap your father made."

OoO

Three years later…

It had been three weeks since Helena Wayne had been born to Bruce and Selina Wayne.

The media had gone crazy, wanting to take pictures of the newborn billionaire. Of course, they had had no luck. But it wasn't as crazy as the Wayne Manor was.

Bruce and Selina were now the proud parents of four children, though it was chaos at all times. Of course, Alfred had been a great aid and so where Dick and Jason. Little Timmy helped in whatever he could. At first the boys had been a bit disappointed to know they had had a sister and not another brother. According to Dick and Jason, "girls are yucky." Of course, with the exception of their mother. But, that had quickly changed once they saw Helena for the first time.

Helena had quickly turned into Daddy's little girl. Bruce had taken a week off from work to help out at home, leaving Lucios Fox manage everything at Wayne Enterprises…though he did that from way before.

So far, Bruce had done everything he could to help out with the baby…except for one thing.

"Bruce?" Selina called walking to the kitchen carrying soon to be, three year old Tim.

"Yeah?"

Alfred was cooking dinner while Bruce was reading some of his forgotten work.

"Can you change Helena's diaper? I need to give Tim here a bath." She said, making Tim giggle as she tickled his sides.

Bruce suddenly shocked and dropped the papers he had been reading, while Alfred tried, unsuccessfully to hide his laughter.

"What? You can change a diaper, right?" Selina asked getting serious. Bruce's face seemed to have drained all color now. "Didn't you raise Tim since he was a baby?" Selina asked raising a brow.

"Yes, I did." Bruce said, clearing his throat. "But…well…you see…um…"

"What?"

"Dad!" Two voices cried together, as Dick and Jason ran into the kitchen. It was evident they had been playing outside as they were both sweating, dirty and their clothes had grass stains.

"We found a…"

"…it was huge!"

"…and so cool!"

"You gotta see it!"

Both boys babbled at the same time, oblivious to their father's discomfort, their mother's annoyance, and Alfred's merriment.

"C'MON!!" Both boys cried at the same time, each grabbing one hand to pull Bruce out.

"Sorry," Bruce called over his shoulder to his wife, "Duty calls." He said disappearing with both boys.

"Wha…Bruce!" Selina cried out, outraged with wide eyes.

"Leave him, Madame." Alfred said suddenly.

"B-but…Helena…she needs a new diaper and Tim needs…"

"Madame," Alfred interrupted the astonished woman, "there are many things Bruce Wayne can do." He said while arranging the papers Bruce had been reading, "Changing a diaper is not one of those."


	3. Chocolate Cake with no Chocolate Icing

This has got to be one of my favourite stories. I mean, of the ones I have written I just love this one. I had had this idea in my head for some days now, but did not know how to write it. Why? Well, first of all, I've never ever in my life baked a chocolate cake, but then, what is internet for? You can find almost anything in there. So now, please read and review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Batman of its characters but I do own the piece of chocolate cake I'm eating now! Bwahaha! And it has icing! AND I'm not sharing!

REVIEW! AND ENJOY!

**Chocolate Cake with no Chocolate Icing**

Self-raising flour, superfine sugar, cocoa, salt, melted butter, milk, eggs and vanilla. Those were the simple ingredients Alfred needed to make a simple chocolate cake. It was a simple recipe, plus the icing he would have to do.

Alfred had been trying to do this recipe since some days ago, seeing as his two charges, Bruce Wayne, and now Richard Grayson-Wayne, thoroughly enjoyed chocolate. It was a bit amusing for the old butler how a simple love for chocolate have bonded the man with the toddler who had entered their life but months before.

But now, Alfred wondered how easy it would be to do a simple cake when said little boy was wide awake from his recent nap and eager to play. Alfred and Bruce were almost at the same department when it came to small children. Though Alfred could CARE for a small child, he had no idea on how to entertain a small child.

While both Martha and Thomas Wayne had lived, they had taken care of their son Bruce. It was such, that the young mistress had not allowed anyone but her to attend her son; all the time being surprised by every little thing their child achieved. When they had both died, Master Bruce was old enough to entertain himself, yes, still a child but not as young as Master Richard was now.

As it was, young Master Dick was there blinking up at him, swinging his legs and from time to time tilting his head from side to side.

"I'm bored, Alfred." The three almost four year old whined suddenly, looking up at the old man.

"Why don't you go up and play?" Alfred asked, while taking most of the ingredients he needed to the counter top where he would do the cake. He looked back at the child who was biting his lower lip and looking up at him. Suddenly, the boy grinned and jumped out of his chair.

"I'll help you!" he exclaimed going to stand besides Alfred.

At first, the majordomo was shocked, but then he was utterly terrified. What if Dick burned himself while cooking? What if he cut himself? What if-it was just a cake, with no knives and only the oven which was quite far and he would be there. Would it be that bad for the child to help?

"What 're y' doin' Alfred?" the toddler asked looking up at him.

"A cake." Alfred said simply, watching how Dick's eyes literally sparkled and grew wide with excitement he quickly added, "For dinner, little Master, FOR DINNER."

Once again, little Dick just bit his bottom lip and nodded, though his eyes still remained huge as saucers. Reaching down, Alfred scooped the small boy in his arms and sat him on the counter, the boy could 'help' there and there was no danger of getting hurt.

At first, Alfred had thought that Dick could stand in a chair, but being as curios and hyperactive as the boy was, he could easily fall from it, so he decided against it and just sat the boy there on the counter top close to where he stood.

"What we do first, Alfred?" the boy asked excitedly, moving his little legs so fast they banged against the cabinet's door.

"First…we need a bowl." Alfred said, reaching for the bowl. Thankfully, all they would need was close by, since Alfred had already placed everything on display and kept a hand firmly over Dick's torso so he couldn't fall and brake his neck…or get a little bump.

"Put it here, Alfred!" Dick said excitedly, bouncing a bit as he scooted over to make 'space' between him and Alfred, since the man had a hand ready to scoop Dick if anything went wrong with the small boy he let it go.

Alfred felt as if he was over reacting, but he preferred to sound as a 'mother hen', as Bruce so kindly had called him days before, than having the boy hurt.

Placing the bowl where the boy wanted, he gave Dick a spatula to 'mix' the contents and he grabbed another one. As it was, Dick wanted to try and make everything himself. One they had to place the flour in the bowl, he had almost showered Alfred and himself with it.

"I'm sorry!" the boy said close to tears.

"It's alright." Alfred reassured, forgetting everything in an effort to make the kid smile again, "it was just an accident. I'm not mad." That seemed to work, since Dick sniffled and brushed his eyes with a the back of his hand making himself get flour even in his face, his little cheeks flushed pink with a smear of flour in it.

By when the ingredients where all in the bowl, there were two whole eggs in the floor and counter top where Dick had tried to place them into the bowl, not allowing Alfred to do it hence the mess. Dick's little blue shirt and kaki short pants had white spots of the flour, then some others a bit brownish of the cocoa, not to mention how sticky his hands-and face-were because of the sugar. Nevertheless, Alfred had remained quite clean himself, though his clothes couldn't say the same.

Seeing the mess he had done with those three ingredients, Alfred had utterly refused to allow the boy pour the melted butter or the milk into the mix, which had resulted in a pouting boy for a few seconds, though it was all forgotten when he allowed the boy to add the vanilla, therefore to the mix there was already in the floor and counter top, some drops of vanilla were added.

"Alfred?" The little boy asked from the chair Alfred had once again placed him while taking the cake-which he hoped didn't had any egg shells- to the oven.

"Yes?" he looked at the boy, who was once again biting his lower lip and looking quite sad.

"When is Daddy comin' 'ome?"

Alfred looked up at him. It was incredible how fast the little boy had adapted to his new 'family'. Dick had started calling Bruce 'Daddy' a couple of weeks before after the boy had fallen and scrapped his knee while playing soccer with Bruce. At first, he said it in the spur of the moment, but then by and by came to call him 'Daddy' as easy as it was breathing for him. It made Alfred feel proud to see Bruce raising this boy almost by himself. After all, that young man had given lots of headaches to Alfred, it was only fair he had someone to give Bruce headaches as well, though he doubted Dick would ever give any sort of trouble to Bruce in the future…when the child was not in a major mood.

"In a couple of hours." Alfred answered as he placed the icing of the cake at the table close to where the child was, though out of his reach.

"Oh…can I have cake?" the boy asked his features suddenly lighting.

"No." Alfred said simply, "but you can have an apple." He said as he moved around trying to clean the mess, though he had no idea where to begin at.

Dick pouted as Alfred placed the red, juicy apple in front of him along with grape juice. As always, Alfred had cut the apple in pieces and placed it in a plate. Who wanted apple when he could have a big piece of chocolate cake? Just because the big black box where the cake was, was hot didn't mean the cake had to be hot, the little boy reasoned.

He looked over at Alfred who was picking up some of the things they had used to make the cake. When his Daddy came home, he was going to tell him he had made the cake with Alfred's help. And when Leslie came by he was going to tell her he had made a chocolate cake too! And when he went to kinder again, he was going to tell Miss Chapman, his teacher, that he had made a chocolate cake. He would ask Alfred if he could take a piece of cake for her, too.

"Master Dick, eat your apple!" Alfred suddenly said making the boy jump in his seat.

Once again, Dick turned to glare at the apple. He was a big boy now, he didn't need to eat apples to be strong and big. Just yesterday his Daddy had told him he was strong and a big boy, he didn't need to eat yucky things…though the apple was not bad and it was a bit sweet, the boy realized as he munched on a piece of apple.

Dick munched on almost all of the pieces, biting two or three times each piece before putting it back in its plate and grabbed another one. He looked up to grab his juice, sitting on his knees so he could reach, when he noticed the bowl where the chocolate icing was. For a few minutes he looked at it tilting his head from time to time before a mischievous grin appeared on his face…a grin that seemed both Alfred and Bruce had learned to get alerted whenever it appeared.

OoO

It had been a long day for Bruce Wayne, though it was barely 3 in the afternoon. Once again, he held great respect for Lucious Fox. How did that old man managed to do all he did was out of his mind.

For the last month, Lucious had been 'training' him at his own office, teaching him how everything worked. From the simplicity of the cleaning to the complexity of the great contracts they often signed.

Though that day, Bruce thought he had had enough and had all but fled home. While driving home he thought about taking his boy out for some ice-cream and to the park. Though they had almost every imaginable flavor of ice-cream at home, the boy seemed to get thrilled by the thought of going out for it. And though he had more space than the park to play, it seemed the park did not rival the awesomeness of the park.

As he entered the mansion he wondered why it was so calm Since Dick had arrived, there was no minute when the mansion actually remained in silence but in three occasions. Those were when Dick was asleep, when he was not home, or when he was getting himself in trouble.

He first moved to the boy's room to find it empty, as well as the playroom which was close by. After a few minutes of search, he was about to call for both Alfred and Dick when a sweet scent came flooding towards him.

Moving silently to the kitchen, he couldn't help but grin when he arrived. As silently as he could, he took out his phone and took a picture before clearing his throat.

"DADDY!" Dick cried from where he was sitting on top of the table, his face and hands covered by chocolate, while Alfred turned surprised covered in what seemed flour, oblivious to what the little boy was just doing.

As the boy was now kneeling in the table Bruce walked towards it, before dropping his phone on the counter top.

"Having fun?" He asked the boy as he picked him up from the table without a care that his suit was now half covered in chocolate icing.

"Me and Alfred made a cake!" the little boy declared happily.

"I figured that much." Bruce said sitting with the boy on his lap who was a mess and quite sticky.

"Master Dick!" Alfred started once he caught site of the boy and the forgotten apple. He half scolded the boy, but a pout from Dick and a teary eye stopped the old man in his antics and he just threw a cloth to Bruce with a "Like father, like son…both getting themselves in trouble all the time." so he cleaned the boy while he finished cleaning the kitchen, though it was evident he was not even half way through.

Once Alfred was busy, and the boy was half clean, Bruce whispered to him. "Was the icing yummy?"

The boy grinned as he nodded. Seeing as Alfred was busy and unaware of what they both did, Bruce got two spoons. Placing the child on the table in front of him, he placed the bowl of chocolate icing besides the boy and gave him a spoon. "This won't be as messy." He told the boy as the toddler giggled and grinned impishly.

OoO

That nigh at Wayne Maner, they had chocolate cake with no icing. But for the first time Bruce and Dick bonded over something as simple as chocolate.

Two pictures were taken that day. The first was taken by Bruce, which showed a busy Alfred in the back part of the messy kitchen washing some dishes. Then, in the middle of the kitchen, sitting in the middle of the round table was a happy looking three year old Dick. His little legs were parted and in the middle was a bowl which looked as if it was half his size. He had a huge grin in his little plump face, with his petit tongue sticking out from a corner of his tiny rosy lips. One of his little hands was grabbing the bowl while the other was inserted in it, his gaze full on what he was doing.

The other picture had been taken by Alfred. He had finished washing some of the things they had used to make the cake when he turned. He had been very surprised to what he found and suddenly caught sight of the forgotten phone. He silently moved towards it and took one of what was one of what later became his favorite picture ever.

There sat Bruce with Dick sitting just in front of him on top of the table. Both of Bruce's arms where holding the little boy as son fed the father a spoonful of chocolate icing, both of their faces smeared in chocolate.

From that day forward, Bruce and Dick had the custom of eating chocolate icing whenever one had a bad day, though along came Jason and Tim a few years later, joining the tradition of father and sons for the Wayne family. Not to mention, during those days chocolate cake with no icing was served at dinner time.


	4. Cartoons, Please

I really liked how this turned out, though it is longer than what I planned. I'm to tired to proofread and I just finished writing it. I started today, so don't complain 'bout mistakes please.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. Oh, and I've never even seen The Exorcist or Silent Hill, just heard about them but am too afraid to watch them and am not interested on them…so any mistakes sorry.

REVIEW! AND ENJOY!

**Cartoons, Please**

It is said that a parent is always there for bad or good things, no matter what. It is said, that once a child is born, the parents of said child don't get any sleep.

That would be true and for Bruce Wayne it had proved to be true, even if two of his four children were toddlers when they became his children. But now, when both children where almost reaching ten, he would have hopped that they would sleep in their own beds…something that proved him wrong when he felt Jason's foot hitting him for the thousand time on his ribs.

He cursed under his breath. Why had he allowed both boys to watch a scary movie? And why did it have to happen when both, Selina and Alfred were gone?

Selina had gone on a mother/daughter trip with several of her friends claiming she needed some alone time with ten month old Helena. How could she possibly bond with a small baby was beyond his imagination. Yes, he bonded with his daughter, but the fact remained that she was still a baby, and Selina divided her time with the four kids equally. Yet, she still wanted some alone time with their daughter, claiming girls needed their space. How much space did a baby needed when she had a whole mansion for herself?

She had said it was good for him to have some bonding with the boys as well, and so she had gone away. That had been 3 days ago, and they still had seven more days to go without the 'girls of the house'.

He had been comforted with the thought that Alfred would still be there with him and the boys. But, he had received a call from England because of some relatives of him who had had an accident. The result? Off he went, taking Timmy with him and leaving Bruce with 10 year old Dick and nine year old Jason.

He still wondered why the heck they had not separated the two older brothers. It was well known, even for the press, that Dick and Jason together were as placing the Joker and Two Face together locked in a room full of super powerful weapons along with paper and pencil –one for each to avoid unfairness– to create a master plan for destruction…and it seemed that Tim was following such steps.

Though Dick could be a bit shy when on public, it was a different story at home and it seemed he still remembered his life at the circus being that more than once they had found him climbing things outside…and inside as well.

Jason was a master mind to plan all type of pranks and disarray…though he had learned pretty fast to never prank Alfred unless he wanted another encounter with the man's hairbrush.

But that night's case was not a prank gone wrong, or any other thing. The problem was that Bruce could not stay firm when to movies it came.

After Alfred and Tim had left that morning, Bruce had taken the boys out around the city, to end up playing football in their patio. All in all, the boys had been more than happy to have an 'alone' time with their Dad, and Bruce had been more than happy to spend some time only with Dick and Jason. In fact, he had thought about telling Selina that they should do this more often but with all the kids…though he would take Helena out once she was potty trained.

After the boys were worn out…though they both claimed they were ok, regretfully, Bruce couldn't say the same…they had gone inside to have pizza for dinner, something Bruce was more than sure Alfred would have disagreed with.

The problem came after dinner, when both boys wanted to watch a movie. Seeing no harm in it Bruce had been ok with it. Had he known that that was a mistake, he would have never agreed to it.

After sending both boys to take a bath and get into their pajamas, they all went to the family room just at the end of the hall where their rooms were located. Many times, he and Selina had made the mistake of letting the boys watch a movie without them changing first, ending up having to change them themselves and on some occasions having to give them a quick bath…despite the fact that both boys had claimed they were awake to take it themselves, they had their doubts seeing as their eyes were more closed than open.

"That's a stupid movie!"

That had been the first move, coming from Dick, to initiate a verbal brawl which ended with pouting boys as Bruce threatened they wouldn't see a movie if they kept at it.

Of course, seeing as they could never agree with a movie –even though they had more movies than the store which sold them– they had ended up passing the channels on the TV trying to find something suitable for the boy's age to see.

He had first made the big mistake of stopping at a 'girl's movie'.

"DAAAD!" Both Dick and Jason had whined at the same time…at least they agreed with that.

"That's yucky!" Jason said covering his eyes with a cushion while Dick made noises showing his disgust.

Of course, he had no idea both boys thought that a Disney's movie was girlish…but on second thought…

For 20 minutes they searched for something to see…or more likely, Bruce searched for something for the boys to watch as Jason got more interested in spinning his head around while being on his knees and Dick played with one of his action toys figures, which was close by.

"Stop!" Jason had suddenly yelled when something caught his attention. Bruce did so to discover it was none other than The Exorcist. "I wanna see that movie!" he said, jumping up and down on the couch while being in his knees.

"It looks pretty cool." Dick said looking up letting his little figurine fall. "What is it called?" he asked, looking up at Bruce.

"It's called The Exorcist and we're not watching it." Bruce said changing channel.

"What?!"  
"Why not?"

Came both whines from both boys who turned to look at him. Bruce remembered watching that movie when he was a boy, though he was in his late teens then. Even if he would have preferred to watch anything else to free himself from more of the yellow squared sponge with pants both boys liked to watch…or the talking trains and airplanes Tim liked to watch.

"You're not old enough for it." Bruce said simply going on through the channels. How hard could it be to find some cartoons which both boys could enjoy?

"I'm not a baby." Jason snapped suddenly sulking and leaning back, not realizing he was leaning against Bruce.

Bruce looked at him with a stern demeanor. "There is no need to snap like that and no body called you a baby." He said, placing his arm around him in a half hug while the kid still pouted, though he leaned even closer to Bruce.

"But Dad…" Dick began, ignoring his brother, "I'm big, now."

"Yes, you're both big now, but not OLD enough to watch THAT movie which is not for children." Bruce said while still trying to find something on the TV. Was it possible that the richest man on Gotham couldn't find some cartoons for his sons to watch? Some cartoons that weren't 'girly', that was.

"Aha!" Bruce said triumphantly as he watched the Hercules movie from Disney. "There you go, that's a pretty nice movie." He said while rubbing Jason's arm soothingly and placing the remote on his lap.

"No, it's not." Dick cried, leaning on Bruce's other side.

"How come?" Bruce asked puzzled. That was one of the few movies made for children that he actually could enjoy without getting bored after ten minutes of it.

"It's for _girls!_" Jason stated seriously, perking up from where he had been slouching.

Bruce raised an eyebrow at the boy, amusement evident on his features. "What? Why?"

"Haven't you _seen_ it?!" Dick asked, leaning a bit over Bruce's leg, "The hero guy _likes_ a girl." Dick whispered his nose wrinkled in disgust.

Bruce couldn't help but grin at the boy, seeing as he was the one that had actually said he liked a girl from school just before the school year ended. Of course, this was only revealed to Bruce because other boys where teasing him. He had said he 'don't like her, like her, but like her because she likes to climb trees and it's pretty cool…for a girl'.

"Yeah!" Jason jumped, taking almost the same position Dick had over Bruce's other thigh, "He actually kisses her! That's for girls, Dad!"

"I don't see what's wrong on a boy liking a girl." Bruce started, though he complied the boys by –again– changing the channel. "Or by a young man kissing a girl he actually likes."

At both boys shocked expressions, Bruce couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"Dad!" Jason exclaimed, when again they passed through The Exorcist movie, which regretfully was beginning now. "Please, leave it there!"

"Jason, I said n-"

"But, Dad, we're OLD now. Why can't we just watch it?" Dick asked.

"THAT," Bruce said pointing to the TV screen, "is a scary movie an-" For a few second, Bruce was sure he should have never mentioned what kind of movie it was, seeing as both boys had wide eyes at the mention of scary and looked thrilled with the idea.

"Please! Let's see it!" Jason asked, grabbing Bruce's left arm.

"Yes, Dad, please, please, please!" Dick pleaded, grabbing Bruce's right arm.

"You won't be able to sleep if I-"

"We'll both go to bed just as the movie ends!" Jason promised, shaking Bruce's arm a bit. Bruce raised a brow at the boy, not for the shake but of the promise. Every time the boys watched a movie, they ended up asleep even before the movie ended.

"Yeah, and we'll do what you tell us to!" Dick promised, ignoring the fact that they already DID what he told them to –even though they needed a bit of a push in the form of a smack every now and then.

"I know you'll go to bed and do as you're told, but I don't think-"

"Please, please, please!" Both boys began with their rant, looking as if their lives depended on it.

"IF…" Bruce began as he knew this was a lost war. That simple word silenced both boys from their rant, "If I let you watch that movie, you will both immediately go to bed AND you won't tell your mother or Alfred." Bruce stated. He was actually happy with the thought of a free night with no cartoons. "Deal?"

He saw as both children exchange a look before they both nodded with huge grins on their faces as yet again they had convinced Bruce of something which, had Selina been at home, earn him sleeping on a spare bedroom.

"Deal!" Both boys said happily, before placing themselves in a comfortable way to what was going to be a long night.

As the time went on, Bruce could feel both boys leaning on him from time to time, and even if they would never admit it, hiding their faces when some of the strongest scenes came…though Bruce did changed the channel for the strongest ones ignoring the protests from both boys.

He had vainly hopped for them to follow asleep before the end, but was distraught when both boys were wide awake when the credits came.

He looked down to find Dick clutching his right arm, and at his other side Jason was almost hidden beneath him, his left arm wrapped protectively around the boy who looked younger than his, oh so mighty, nine years of age.

"Ok, kiddos. Let's get you both to bed." Bruce said making them both stand, though neither would let him go.

"Do we _have_ ta?" Jason asked with a whine, muffling a yawn. It was well past their bed time.

"I'm not sleepy, Dad." Dick said, however he rubbed his eyes with a hand.

"Yeah, I'm sure you're not sleepy, but that was the deal. Remember?" he asked, as he scooped Jason in his arms, seeing as the boy was practically sleep walking and would surely bump into something.

"Daad!" Jason whined, despite the fact that he leaned his head on Bruce's shoulder, "I ca' wak." He murmured, though his eyes where practically shut thanks to the rubbing in his back.

It was amazing how fast both boys were growing. A year ago, Bruce could have easily scooped both boys at the same time and carry them around without an effort. Now, they were starting to be a bit difficult to manage at the same time.

He promptly walked into Jason's room and tucked the boy; Dick was still leaning against him, his small hand grasping his t-shirt as sleep started to claim him.

After brushing the hair out of his son's forehead and giving him a slight kiss, he picked Dick up and moved to the other boy's room just across Jason's. He did the same as he did with Jason, and then he moved to his own room.

Not even two hours after he had gone to sleep, he felt the first call from one of the boys. Astoundingly, it wasn't Dick who called first, but Jason.

Getting up from his comforting bed, he marched straight to the boy's room, not bothering to even put a robe on him, only wearing his boxers and a t-shirt.

Turning on the light he found Jason sitting up on the farthest corner of the bed with the covers over him. Apparently, he hadn't sensed Bruce's presence as he kept yelling for him…and Selina, as well.

"Jason, it's me, Dad." Bruce soothed, taking a sit in front of the child while trying to calm him. It seemed watching that movie had not been a good idea after all.

With a cry of "Daddy!", Bruce found his arms full with a sobbing child in a few seconds. Five minutes later, Bruce had achieved to calm down Jason. The boy had managed somehow to sit on Bruce's lap and cling to him as if his life depended on it.

"Feeling better?" Bruce asked, looking down at the kid, drawing circles on the boy's back. Jason just shook his head 'no', before trying to hide it even more.

After a few minutes, Bruce tried to talk to the child again. "Had a bad dream?" He asked the distraught youngster.

"I was 'cared." The boy said bringing his face out of his hiding to look at his father's eyes. "I woke up an' it was dark an' there was a strange noise an' I was alone!" The child said between sniffles and hiccups as he turned, once more, to hide his face on Bruce's now wet shirt as the afore mentioned man gave a sigh of desperation.

"Jason, son, its past midnight so all that happened is normal. You've woken in the middle of the night before. And that strange noise is the tickling of your clock." Bruce explained as he tried to disengage the kid from death grip he on him to show the rascal there was nothing to be afraid of.

"I don' wanna be 'lone." The child whined hiding his face…again.

"Tell you what, buddy," Bruce said, eager to return to his own bed, but not wanting to leave the child on this state, "I'll stay with you until you fall asleep and let a light on for you." That sounded reasonable for Bruce, seeing as Jason had stated some weeks ago he was too old to sleep with his parents after waking up at the middle of the night after a nightmare.

Bruce was sure the boy was going to cave in, but was more than surprised when the whine of "NO!" came and the hold increased more. "Stay!" Jason said next, "Don' go!"

Bruce sighed, before taking the child on his arms and lying down at the bed with the kid next to him. He would wait for the boy to fall asleep, before moving to his own bed.

As planned, Jason was asleep in less than ten minutes snoring softly. Smiling softly, Bruce disengaged himself from the boy grabbing his favorite stuffed animal so he could hug it. As expected, Jason hugged the plushy, and kept sleeping peacefully. Placing a kiss on the boy's forehead, tucking him in, and turning on the night lamp he walked out of the room, leaving the door slightly open in case the boy woke up again.

He crept into Dick's room before moving to his own, and was pleased when he saw the boy's peaceful slumber. He rearranged the boy's covers and went back to bed.

Fifteen minutes later, Dick's voice woke him up. Though unlike Jason, the kid has gone to his father's room.

"I can't sleep." Dick complained, "There is something in my room."

Bruce groaned before turning over to look at the boy. Would he get any sleep that night?

"I'm sure there's nothing in your room, chum." Bruce said, his voice drowsy, though he was already getting up to take the boy back to said room.

"But there is!" Dick whined allowing his Dad to carry him back to his bedroom.

Bruce sighed as he walked inside and turned the light on. "Dicky, there is nothing here to be afraid of." Bruce stated, placing the child on his bed and motioning to the room. "See?"

"But-but-but..." Dick said standing on the bed.

"But nothing, Richard. C'mon, let's get you tucked." Bruce said making the child lie down, before placing the covers over the boy.

"No fair!" Dick said angrily turning around; nevertheless he turned to face Bruce who was sitting down besides him.

"Why isn't it fair?" Bruce asked, rubbing the kid's back, smiling as the boy shrugged as an answer.

"I don' wanna sleep in here." Dick whispered, his eyes almost shot.

"I'll stay until you're asleep." Bruce promised, looking at the door towards Jason's room. Thankfully, the other boy seemed to be fine.

Just as he had done with Jason before, Bruce stayed until Dick was soundly asleep, his breath even. He did the same things he had done before and turned back to his room to get his much needed sleep.

Thirty minutes later, he was woken by a strange pressing against his ribs. He looked down to find Jason curled against him…the source of his press was his elbow which had found his ribcages a good place to accommodate itself. Sighing, Bruce placed the child in a more comfortable position for both –knowing from experience it was in vain– and drifted up to sleep.

"Dad…Daad…Daaaaad!" came the hissed whispers which where wakening Bruce. He opened his eyes to fine it had not been even 20 minutes after Jason had awoken him.

"Dick?" Bruce asked groggily looking at the side of the bed, the same side Jason was sleeping at.

"I can't sleep." Dick whined getting into the bed crawling at the other side of Bruce.

"C'mon." Bruce invited lifting the covers for him, though it was clear an invitation was not needed.

That had been three hours ago, and it would still be a couple of hours before morning came. Bruce had not been able to sleep since both boys had, literally, invaded his bed.

Now, Bruce was used to go nights without sleep, but it was absolutely different. Adrenalin would be rushing through his body and he fought against a criminal or investigated something…or his male hormones were being activated by his very sensual wife…but being made to stay in a bed, while one boy pressed his ribs as if they were made of rubber and the other insisted on kicking him as if he was a punch bag, was extremely different. Not to mention, he couldn't move away from them as Dick had confused his arm with his plushy and Jason had somehow managed to tangle his legs with Bruce's shirt. He had already tried to free himself, but a whimper from the boy stopped him on his tracks.

Now, he was looking at his roof, begging for morning to come…and for Alfred to return…and for Selina to be back.

And yet, he wondered, what this fatherhood? Did all fathers have to go through sleepless nights? In the first place, did fathers made such awful mistakes as letting their children see The Exorcist or any other horror movie before going to bed?

As Jason moved again, making more pressure over his ribs, he had to smile. Maybe he was not perfect, but what father was? Just then, somehow, Jason got detangled from his shirt and moved farther away. Bruce watched him in the darkened room, a grin appearing in his face. He reached out for the boy and hugged him to him. Even in his sleep, Jason reacted and hugged his father back obviously searching for the warmth he provided.

OoO

Six years later…

Bruce entered his home from a tired day at the office. It was incredible how much his job had increased with the retirement of Lucios Fox. Of course, he did not expect the man to work till the grave.

After leaving his briefcase at his study, he moved upstairs searching for his wife and kids. Helena usually ran to greet him, but today there was no sight of her.

He entered the family room to find his three sons spread in a couch watching TV.

"Hey Dad!" Ten year old Tim greeted happily, though he was focused on the movie his older brother were watching.

"Hi Dad." Sixteen year old Dick greeted, turning a moment to face him, before raising the volume again.

"Hey…" Jason muttered, not even glancing at him.

"Where's your mom and Helena?" He asked, ruffling each of the boy's hair, though the two oldest tried to avoid it.

"Shopping." The three answered at the same time.

Bruce nodded and walked towards the door before stopping on his tracks. "What are you three watching?" he asked sternly before moving behind them.

"Silent Hill!" Tim exclaimed happily as his older brothers glared at him.

"It's just a movie, Dad." Dick amended quickly, though Bruce had already snatched the control out of his hands.

"Yeah, nothing to get so ruffled about." Jason said, still glaring at Tim.

"Well, I've got a better idea." Bruce said changing the channel, stopping when he recognized the cartoons Dick and Jason used to watch with the annoying sponge with the huge nose.

"What?!" Jason exclaimed when he saw what his father placed for them to watch. "Dad! C'mon! We're not kids anymore!"

Bruce smiled, as he ruffled Jason's hair emitting a groan from the boy, his child. "I must disagree with you."

"Oh, c'mon, give us back the remote." Dick complained trying to reach it.

"I don't care watching cartoons." Tim said happily.

"I don't watch cartoons anymore." Jason said, though he knew it was a lie as Bruce had found him, and Dick, more than once watching them.

"I don't care. You're not going to watch that movie and that's it." Bruce said moving out of the room, giving the control back to Dick. "And don't even THINK about changing it back unless you want to loose TV privileges for a month."

"But Dad…cartoons?" Dick whined, as Jason huffed and crossed his arms, glaring at Tim.

Bruce looked back at them, remembering an incident that had happened some years ago. Fathers made many mistakes, but they surely didn't make them twice…sometimes.

"Yes, cartoons, please." He said seriously, before turning with a smile.


	5. The B Word

Oh, my! I have so many ideas for more one-shots but I just got finished with this! It was not at all how I had it in mind and I don't know if someone will find it funny…but I hope. It actually happened to a cousin of mine with her son, well, it was close by….she's not a billionaire and the 'strangers' were my grandparents…really, kids do strange things sometimes.

Ok, tell me what you think! Till next time, bye!

Disclaimer: Really...I'm not even going to bother saying if it's or if it isn't mine...

**The B Word**

When a baby starts talking, the whole family goes crazy. Grandparents celebrate, the father's pride goes way up, mothers go hurrying to write the baby's first word to a book and their siblings try to teach them new words.

There was no difference with the Wayne family once one year old Timothy Drake-Wayne started talking.

"Dada" that was the first word the boy ever said, and over a month his vocabulary extended to mama, mine, no and the names Afe, Ick, and Ason were added as well.

As time passed he learned even more words such as ball, yes… or 'ye'', milk...or 'mik', and Teddy, as in his favorite bear.

He tried to repeat every word he could. And everyone in the family were just happy to repeat the same words to him over and over again.

Of course, Bruce had to be more careful as to what kind of language he used in front of Tim, but he had been getting used to that ever since the two older boys moved with them. He was ok with it, used to it.

Normally, the house was hectic with three small boys to take care of. Both, Bruce and Selina worked though they both tried to be home as early as possible in the afternoon, Dick and Jason were at school now, leaving only Alfred and Tim at home all day.

Though during that specific day, it was even more frantic as Bruce had invited home an English couple for dinner. Apparently, both men of the family were interested in doing business with each other. Lucious had talked Bruce into inviting the man and his wife, who always went everywhere with him it seemed, to invite them to dinner.

For years, Wayne Enterprises had done business with them, but apparently the man was about to retreat a couple of years ago believing the young Bruce Wayne was a disaster in his personal life, and being a family man, Mr. John Brittan believed it was not good for his image. Now that Bruce actually had become a 'family' man, he was more than interested on business with him.

Hence, Bruce had invited the man and his wife to dinner with his own family, as Mr. John wanted to meet his three sons. Bruce had no problem with it, knowing that both Dick and Jason had learned some of the table manners that etiquette asked…as much as a seven and six year old could…and Timmy was just a baby.

It was during that day that Alfred Pennyworth said a specific word which he didn't want Tim to repeat.

It had all happened while he was trying to arrange the boy's clothes for dinner that he had said it, unknown to him Timmy was just there.

"Oh, bloody shirt!" he said getting exasperated as time was consuming him.

"Bloody!" the boy repeated happily before going into a giggle fit.

"Oh, no…nonononono!" Alfred started looking at the boy.

"Bloody no!" the boy repeated before started laughing delightedly.

"No, Master Timmy…" Alfred said after getting himself settled, "You must not, I repeat, must NOT say that word." Alfred said.

"Bloody wo'd!" the boy repeated smiling happy while clapping with his little cherub hands.

"Oh…I'm dead." The old butler said just as Bruce entered the room looking as hassled as ever while carrying a pair of child's briefs.

"Alfred, have you seen Jason's truck briefs? He refuses to wear this." He said rather exasperated.

"Bloody biefs!" the baby said making his father wide his eyes in surprise and looked at him.

"Wha…"

"Bloody biefs! Bloody Dada!"

Bruce looked at the old butler, his eyes huge as saucers. Alfred would have laughed at his face if they were in another situation.

Alfred cleared his throat trying to fine his voice. "It seems, Master Bruce…that young Master Timmy has just learned a new word…from me."

"Bloody me!" Tim said clapping his chubby little hands in excitement.

Both men looked at each other.

"What the _hell _are we going to do now?" Bruce asked Alfred passing his free hand through his raven hair.

"Bloody hell!" the boy repeated while jumping a bit while sitting on the carpeted floor and clapping.

"For the first time…I have no idea!" Alfred cried.

"You've got more experience with babies…make him stop!" Bruce cried, a little hysterical.

"Bloody hell!" the boy repeated again, though louder.

Alfred looked at the young man before picking up the boy and setting him down on the changing table. "Timmy…" He started making the boy have eye contact with him. "You may not say THAT word…it is not good for little boys."

"Bloody hell!" the boy repeated happily again, not understanding a word that the majordomo had said.

"You are his father! He should obey you!" the old man said on an unnatural anxious voice.

Groaning, Bruce moved to be in front of the boy, taking just the same pose as his surrogate father.

"Timmy…" Bruce started looking around the room, "say hello!"

The little boy looked at him, his features changing from his happy grin to a bit of a frown as he tilted his head deep in thought. Then, he smiled before opening his mouth and "Bloody hell!"

"Bruce! Found them! They were on the top drawers of Dick's room!" Selina cried as she entered the room ready for the night the family was about to have.

"Mama!" The boy cried happily, throwing his arms to his mother not caring about the distance there was between the two of them and that if Bruce hadn't caught him he would have gone face first to the floor.

"Oh…how's my baby boy?" Selina asked taking the boy from Bruce's arm.

"Bloody hell!" The boy said proudly while clapping his hands again.

Selina's eyes got wide at hearing this while looking down at the boy, before narrowing and turning to Alfred.

"He taught him hell!" Alfred accused pointing to Bruce just as the woman's glare turned to Bruce.

"Well…he started it!" Bruce said pointing an accusing finger at the older man.

"You both would make children proud!" Selina stated.

"Bloody hell!" the boy repeated again jumping up and down on his mother's arm and clapping.

"Oh, God…what do we do? We can't have him swearing with people around!" Selina cried.

"We already tried to talk to him out of it!" Bruce said passing his hand through his hair in exasperation.

"I tried to talk him out of it…you tried to teach him a new word." Alfred said, "But maybe Master Bruce's idea would work better."

For half an hour the three adults tried to make the boy say different words, and he did. He said bed, book, bow, game and car…always to return to his favorite "Bloody hell!".

"This is useless!" Bruce cried, "There is no way to make him stop! And he is not even English!"

"Would it be so bad if he swore in front of our guests?" Selina asked, handing the boy his favorite toy which went immediately to his mouth. "I mean, he's just a baby!"

"It does…those people are all on image." Bruce grumbled.

"We could very well say the boy is asleep…" Alfred started, "Though that would be believable if it was not 5 in the afternoon."

For a moment all the adults in the room looked down at the baby who was happily chewing on his toy unaware of the situation going around.

"Maybe he'll just forget about the word." Selina stated after a while trying to force herself to smile.

"Yeah…maybe." Bruce stated as Alfred nodded. Just then Jason entered the room carrying his kaki pants in one hand.

"Mommy!" The six year old whined as he went to Selina, "these pants are itchy and the shirt is too big!" He complained as he handed the pants to Selina and started picking on his shirt, the only thing he was wearing other than his briefs and socks.

Just as Selina started to direct the boy out of the room, and Alfred and Bruce decided to continue as if nothing, Tim decided it was time to speak up again.

"Bloody hell!" the tot said again before giggling and jumping around. Jason turned around with round eyes just as Bruce swore under his breath, Alfred sighed and Selina glared at his husband.

"He said the 'h' word!" Jason accused pointing with one finger at the baby.

"Yes…well…he heard your fa-_someone_ say that…and you know Timmy repeats everything he listens." Selina said, first directing her words towards her middle child and then directing harsh words towards Bruce and Alfred.

"But, but, but, Daddy said that if he EVER heard ME said that word again he would wash my mouth out!" Jason accused frantically, "He's not gonna wash Timmy's mouth, is he? He's just a baby!" Jason practically howled in alarm.

"Kiddo, calm down…I'm not going to do anything." Bruce tried to calm his frantic son up just as seven year old Dick entered the room.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Daddy's gonna wash Timmy's mouth with soap." Jason accused glaring at his former hero.

"What?! Why?" Dick asked alarmed.

Bruce looked up to find Alfred talking to Timmy and Selina looking ready to burst out laughing at any moment.

"He said the 'h' word." Jason whispered loudly at Dick's ear.

"MOMMY!" Dick cried immediately. "You can't let Daddy do that! Timmy's just a baby!"

"Annoying baby." Jason added in a mater of fact tone.

"DO SOMETHING!" Both boys demanded out of their mother who was trying very hard now to suppress her shaking and mirth.

"I'm not going to wash Tim's-"

"BLOODY!" Tim suddenly squealed happily on Alfred's arms, stopping everybody's rant.

"I believe there is nothing to do…" Alfred said tiredly. "We'll just have to resign and try to explain this…whatever it is."

Resigned, the three adults each took one of the kids to finish getting them ready, Selina staying with Timmy and changing him while Alfred took Dick and Bruce went along with Jason.

Sooner than later, the Wayne family found themselves at the parlor of their humble home. The two older boys stood in front of their parents as Selina stood with Baby Timmy in her arms and Bruce stood behind her with his hand on her waist. Alfred standing by the door, holding it open waiting for the older looking couple enter with two children which where much older than Dick and Jason.

"Good night." Bruce said, walking to the front of his family, worry eating him in the inside. "John, Danielle," He greeted the couple, followed by both men introducing their respective wives and children. And it was the children they were fearing to meet, as Tim was always a very friendly baby.

"Ah, and I see this is your youngest, obviously!" John said suddenly, Bruce exchanging a look with Selina and then Alfred.

"Yes," Selina spoke as she smiled, her nerviousness well hidden, "He just turned 18 months."

"Oh, he must be saying his first words by now." Danielle, John's wife said.

It was then that Baby Timmy opened his mouth, seeing all eyes on him. Bruce closed his eyes, fearing the worst, Selina took a long breath as she kept smiling, Alfred's eyes rounded thinking he had done so much work in vain…and it was all his own fault. Dick and Jason looked at each other before grinning…after all, it was them that where always in one or other trouble.

And just as they all had this different reactions, for the first time in his life, Timothy Jackson Drake Wayne decided it was a good time to be shy…turning to hide his face on his mother's chest.


	6. What’s Mine is Yours…NOT!

Ok, so maybe not my best, but I started it a LONG time ago and I liked how it ended. It was what I had in mind. So, here you go, enjoy and see ya later! I still have ideas of One-Shots for this in my mind! LOL!

Disclaimer: Not mine…I believe DC has not told me yet What's Mine is Yours…sniff.

**What's Mine is Yours…NOT!**

Nobody could call him selfish. No one should call him egocentric. He helped others. His thoughts were always around his family and those he knew…he was always thinking of new ways to help Gotham City, both as Bruce Wayne and Batman.

So, now his wife was calling him a, "self-centered, selfish, egomaniac man, who has no idea of a woman's needs."

Clearly, she had lost perception of what the problem was. And he was aware of her needs…at least in the bedroom he was. But, this was NOT the bedroom…or one of the closets or bathrooms where they had many times …occupied themselves…this was the Batcave, and he made himself say that.

"Then you are an egotistic bat!" She berated.

"For the last time, woman! THIS is the BATCAVE!" And again, people was mistaken when they said that everything was much better when one got married…well, in many things, specially with the boys, having a wife made things much easier, but in others stuff…

"So, as YOU once told me, and I recall," She said mimicking his voice, "'We are now one.' Is now bull!" She stated crossing her arms once again.

"Selina," He growled in a low voice, "Batman and Catwoman are not us." He started looking from the corner of his eye as Alfred entered the room. "You said so once, they are totally apart from us."

"Remind me of that when _Batman_ directs _Catwoman_ towards a secluded area for a quick _chat._" She stated lowly raising an eyebrow. In all his life, Bruce had never been so thankful in seeing Alfred retreat from the room. That was certainly not something he wanted HIM to hear.

"That is not what we are discussing about." He stated firmly before moving to a nearby chair trying to hide his low blush.

"Then…enlighten me," She began with an overly too sweet tone of voice, "what ARE we talking about?"

Women! Bruce turned and eyed her…what time of the month was it again? "You know what it is…the Batcave is a BAT CAVE…it's no place for cats." He said simply.

"No…no…uh…wh…God! You're impossible!" She stated after much muttering. "No place for cats? NO place for CATS?! What the hell are you talking about? Unlike you, I don't keep cats walking all around the place…we don't even OWN a cat!"

"Yeah…because Jason hates them and one might hurt Timmy." Bruce stated in a mater of fact tone, "The point is…the Batcave doesn't belong to me-"

"What?" Selina asked before giving a sarcastic smile, "So who does it belong to? Two-Face?"

"That's not what I meant!" He snapped, "It belongs to Batman…so-"

"Fine. Go put the suit on, and then we'll talk." Selina stated throwing herself on a near by chair.

"Selina…"

"Ok…so, tonight my bed is not mine anymore…it belongs to Catwoman…maybe Batman would like your company." She stated with a sarcastic smile as she turned for the door.

"Selina…hun, you know that's not what I mean."

"Then do please tell me…and think before you dig your whole bigger."

Bruce sighed, placing a hand on his neck.

"Ok…so, 'what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours'…that's…true…but-"

"'But I'm talking bull', so I'll just leave." She interrupted getting up.

"What I mean is that Batman is not Bruce…and Catwoman is not Selina…so that doesn't count."

"That makes no sense at all." She stated going to where their little spat had begun…and doing precisely what had taken them to fight.

He frowned, walked over and did just the same she had done, lifting an eyebrow to her and crossing his arms knowing he had a smug look on his face.

She just looked at him, smiled sweetly and then did the same, a soft click could be heard before pop music could be heard.

Another click coming from him, and heavy rock music blasted out.

And so on, a set of clicks followed by changed music could be heard.

Bruce didn't even noticed when Alfred entered the Batcave, the place where they had been all the time, but he did noticed when the old butler walked between them-making them give a step back- going directly to the stereo, a CD in his hand. Smiling, the old man stopped the music and slipped his CD in, before instrumental music was heard all around.

"Ah…that's much better and the problem is solved." Alfred stated pleasantly.

"Wha-" Both Selina and Bruce muttered at the same time, both giving a step forward.

"AH!" Alfred suddenly exclaimed, raising a hand at both sides to stop the couple. "I believe the kitchen belongs to Alfred…plain old Alfred…unless you want to eat out for the next two weeks, you'll leave it be." He stated calmly with a grin. With that, he turned to leave, neither of them moving to change the music.

"So…" Selina started looking up at Bruce.

"I'll be done with training soon."

"I'm done down here…feel like eating out today?" She asked with the first real smile directed to him in the whole morning.

Bruce looked at her and smirked, grabbing her by her waist on a flash and kissing her neck, making her purr softly. Oh, she was a cat…his cat though.

"I had more like a closet in mind."


	7. Big Boy

Inspired by a phrase one of my students told me. Really…kids this day come up with…crazy things. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I won't even start.

**Big Boy**

"The talk." Everybody understood what it meant…at least every adult and teenager knew. Just as every parent and child understood what "A talk" meant.

But for Bruce Wayne, 'a talk' was not a problem, as much as he wished at the moment it was. Oh, he HATED to have to punish any of his boys, but in his mind and FOR his mind it was much, much easier. That, in itself, said a lot.

"Daddy?" the young voice of his eldest took him out of his musings and he glanced down at his eight year old boy.

Why was HIM who had to be in this position?

It had been a beautiful, amazing day. Everything was going splendidly well. They had finally closed a deal which had been going from a month ago, which would bring benefits to Wayne Enterprises for at least five years to up to eight years…something which was rather unheard of.

Not only had that gone well, but they had finally received a shipment which had been 'lost' for over a week. Lucios had driven crazy some people as they searched to solve the problem.

Yet, all that was in the past now. The successes of that day had been well forgotten when one Alfred Pennyworth entered his office…his face a strange mix between crimson and white.

"Bruce! We need to talk." The man stated, literally charging into his office as his personal secretary entered quickly after the older man.

"Alfred?" Bruce asked stopping what he was doing and dreading the worst. Alfred never addressed him as Bruce unless on very special occasions…and very rare occasions.

"Daddy!" Young Tim, who was being carried by Alfred, cried in happiness when seeing his father, throwing his tiny, chubby arms towards him.

"Something happened." Alfred began as he handed the small toddler to his adoptive father. "At school."

Not being able to suppress his groan, Bruce settled Tim on his hip. "What did Jason do this time?"

"No, Master Bruce, not Jason. And before you ask, it wasn't Dick either…though it has to do with the later." The oldest man explained as he started pacing around, placing some things in order in the office. Knowing that would rather sooth the man, Bruce settled for playing with his youngest by pocking the child's nose making the toddler giggle at the time. "It is more of what those incompetents morons at the school did! I still can't get my shock and terrible, terrible, terrible disappointment! Could you believe the…idiocy of those bloody…baboons?!"

Bruce looked up at his, obviously, angry surrogate father. In all his life, he had never heard Alfred cuss so much, or his accent so pronounced like now. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

"They talked to him about _sex_!" He blustered out, stopping on his tracks from rearranging some papers on the desk.

Bruce stopped his 'tickling' to gap at the older man. "Wh…what?"

Alfred sighed, turning to look at the younger man with crossed arms. "Apparently, the government thought it would be a good idea to give a 'sex talk' to those on 3rd grade and up…with the high hopes of lowering teenagers pregnancy rates…I tell you, what they need to do is to bring a ca-"

"Alfred?" Bruce interrupted; he could already feel his blood draining form his face. He should have known something was wrong…very wrong.

"You know that Dick is a year ahead…and well…they just gave the whole grade a very, very, very descriptive chat about it…didn't even care what the mums and dads would say…didn't even asked for the parent's or guardian's permission….being a private school and all I thought they really had better judgment."

Bruce's head seemed to be on an eternal twirl. "Dick…he received that talk?" Bruce asked with a grimace.

"Yes." The older man answered.

"And he is…"

"A very confused…and astonished….boy at the moment who is waiting for you just outside that door." Alfred answered taking Tim out of his very shocked father's arms.

"Oh my…" Bruce muttered, looking at the door with wide eyes.

"Yes…I suppose the school will be very busy in the following weeks with lawsuits from angry parents and caretakers." Alfred stated. "And I suppose you'll be taking Dicky home?"

"Yes." Bruce answered, still processing the information he had just received from the older man.

"Good. I'll see you later then." The old butler said walking out of the door. It was a minute later that a rather nervous looking Dick entered.

"Hey, kiddo." Bruce had greeted trying to smile, though he knew it looked more like a grimace than any other thing.

"Daddy…" The boy answered, and this time Bruce did grimaced. Dick had stopped calling him that, turning to the more 'dignified'-at least in the boy's mind- 'dad' for months now. He still called him Daddy, but only when he was either, on trouble, scared, or very confused about a situation.

"How was school today?" Bruce asked, motioning for the child to sit besides him on one of the sofas in the office.

Dick shrugged, before looking up at his father. "Good, I suppose." He finally answered.

"Good…good." Bruce repeated finally giving the boy a smile.

"Um…Dad?" Dick asked, biting his lip. "Today we had a…new class." Dick started.

"Really?!" Bruce asked masking his fear with interest.

"Yeah." Dick nodded. "They said really strange and yucky things!" The boy accused.

"Really?" Bruce had to ask again, preparing himself for a talk he had not seen coming and had hopped it would be in at least ten more years.

"Yeah!" The boy nodded, his eyes as wide as saucers. "They said we could talked to our moms and dads 'bout it…they said it's called…xes."

Bruce smiled. At least the boy couldn't even pronounce it correctly. And just who was HE to correct the mispronunciation. "Um…son, I believe that's not the way you say it."

"Oh." The boy said stopping to think after a while. "They said that that's how mommies have babies. But…how do daddies have babies?"

Bruce looked at the young boy, a raised eyebrow on his way. "Well…" Bruce started, trying to find the correct words a boy his age could understand.

Against his will, he started going down through memory lane, remembering when Alfred had actually given him 'The Talk'. He was about 14 at the time, and he was more than sure Alfred had done it because he had been found by the stands making out with one of his girl classmates. At the time he had been curious…but as the years past his curiosity had been more than satisfied.

"Daddy?" the boy brought him out of his musings, and he looked down at his still very young son.

"You see, Dicky…" He started, telling him about the birds and bees. He did hope he was not going to traumatize the boy. He remembered hearing many of his friends, on many occasions, talking about the 'weird' talks that they and their fathers had had. At that time, their classmates had call it a 'horrible' experience and on many occasions he was thankful Alfred had not yet had that kind of talk with him. Nevertheless, now that he thought about it…it was very possible that Alfred's sex life was as dead as the turkeys the man cooked for Christmas…and again, he had no interest on that aspect of Alfred's life unless it was him who ended up traumatized.

He finished his talk faster than what he thought…and for the first time in his life realization hit him that he would have to repeat that talk two more times with his younger sons. But he was more shocked by the very sensible answer Dick gave him at the end. "Oh." The boy nodded, seemingly thinking about it all.

"Do…do you have a question?" Bruce asked at last.

Dick looked up at him before shaking his head in denial. "Nope."

"You sure?" Bruce asked, now trying to hide his relief.

"Yeah." Dick answered. "Um…Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Does knowing all that make me a big boy now?"

OoO

Bruce stopped dead by the kitchen's door, as he heard Dick's voice clearly chatting happily with Alfred.

"That is very interesting, young Master." The old majordomo answered lovingly.

"Yeah…and it was funny when Rony kicked the ball out of the field and then did this strange dance!"

Bruce grinned as he saw the eight year old do goofy dance; Alfred, for his part, laughed at it. "Yes, yes, I can imagine being so." The older man answered the child.

"Yeah! It was a funny recess today!" The kid nodded as he resumed his coloring at the table.

"Good." Alfred answered. Bruce observed his child before he started to walk away, before he heard Dick talk again and he decided to stay and listen what else his son had to say now.

"Oh…and Alfred?"

"Yes, young Master?"

"I'm not a little kid anymore." Dick stated seriously.

"Really?" Alfred asked with a raised brow, noticing Bruce at the entrance now.

"Yeah…I'm a big boy…I know how babies are made."


End file.
